Junior Girls Soccer Saga

Ah, Junior Girls Soccer: the pageantry, the mystery, the intrigue. Where to begin? This year’s squad is so steeped in lore, so drenched in drama, it is hard to know just where to start. I could mention some of the many celebrities at our year end banquet, but that would seem like bravado. I could take you, reader, on a tour of our groaning trophy case, and regale you with anecdotes about this championship here, that nail-biting triumph there, but I think our record speaks for itself (2-2). Instead of getting caught up in statistics, I prefer to offer you a collage of images from our storied season. To me, the embodiment of this team’s greatness can be found in singular moments. Think of the time co-manager Sasha L threw herself off the Gulf Islands ferry to rescue a beached albino dolphin. The dolphin turned out to be a buoy, and Sasha was severely concussed, but that act of selfless bravery was typical. Remember the time when I coached wee Jessica W to be more hungry as a defender? A literal minded child, Jessica proceeded to eat all the team lunches, and then Jensa NG, as a result, collapsed because of low blood sugar, but how we laughed. And it wasn’t all laughter. When things got serious, I knew the girls could be counted on: no better example can be found than the time Makenzie P sold one of her kidneys on the black market to pay for Grace M’s bail money. And my favourite story is one of inspiration. Returning from the annual Tallahassee Tussle Tournament, Abby S was about to board the plane when she noticed a wide-eyed fan. All this young girl wanted was to touch the hem of Rae W’s garment – even a fist bump would have been enough. But Abby did more. She surrendered her ticket and passport to that fan to give her the fantasy trip of a lifetime. Abby is still missing in Florida, last seen hitchhiking in the Everglades, but when I think of her, alone with the crocodiles in a tattered Brentwood jersey, all I can do is beam with pride. Mr Paul Collis, Coach and Raconteur