Junior Boys Soccer
“The King of the North” cry the bannermen of Winterfell: “Jon Snow is the King of the North!” With all due respect to George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire, no one, not even the thieves and unwanted sons shuddering at the top of the wall, can truly understand the bone-numbing reality of how winter is coming until they have journeyed north from Mill Bay to the bustling metropolis of Campbell River during November midterm break. Jon Snow had to fight the white walker army of the undead, yes, but did he ever have to smell the hotel room of David, Josh, and Callum, none of whom seemed to bring more than a single pair of socks for a four game tournament? And yes, I am sure the battle cry of the Wildlings is fearsome, but for true sonic petrification, one need only listen to Juan and Jack sing Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” on the bus, a song that lasted, by my calculation, from Duncan to Comox.
Why, alert readers may ask, so many Game of Thrones allusions? Was this year’s Junior Boys team embroiled by bloodshed, incest, and mystical warging? Because, dear reader, let us look at our record. Mid-Island league? 6 wins, and 0 defeats. ISA Tournament? 4 wins, and 0 defeats. Exhibition play? 2 wins, and 0 defeats. Games at the Island Championships against North seed #1 and North seed #3? 2 wins and 0 defeats. North of Goldstream, we have as many losses as I received days in lieu for sacrificing my holiday to witness Olin eat seventeen bags of Sun Chips.
And what about our games against the south? What about our results against Reynolds soccer academy and South #1 seed Royal Bay? Alas, I am running out of available characters. I will update this entry as soon as Martin publishes The Winds of Winter, a title that may allude to Seb’s indigestion after bingeing at Boston Pizza.
Mr Paul Collis, Coach