Interhouse Soccer

Sunday, November 23, 2014 - By: Robbie S, Privett ‘15

“Things just got out of hand”, Jack HL, Rogers '15 reflected. On this fateful day, the annual Brentwood soccer regime would reach its climactic peak, and what better way to celebrate such a feat than with an explosive and somewhat belligerent display of the sport? 

For millennia, and what will undoubtedly continue on until the entire West Coast is submerged under water (which could be eerily soon), Senior Boys Interhouse Soccer has been contested. The hotly anticipated contest has a heightened history of alienating the rookies of the game, and of granting learned players with a sacred call up and undeniable honour of finally playing for their house on the big stage. Whittall, in recent years, have been the front-runner for this competition, but modest minnows Ellis, Privett, and Rogers were not to be underestimated.  

The opening ceremonies were a sight to behold. Privett sports captain Fischer W could be seen hoisting the blue flag and parading admirably across the lower field. Rogers sports captain Jaco VR posed majestically in his birthday suit, and, a poised Victor R, Whittall '16, could be seen with two eager eyes glued to the prize. 

Proceedings opened with a swashbuckling encounter between Rogers and Privett, one that was in likeness to the cashing in of the “Money in The Bank” Contract by the Miz on a vulnerable champion, Randy Orton, on the August 11th episode of Monday Night RAW. Rogers claimed an unlikely lead early on, but a last gasp effort from Toby CH, Privett, '15 ensured that the spoils would be shared, or at least re-contested in the shape of dreary penalty kicks, in which the ice cold Daniel M, Privett '16, struck to earn the boys in blue a place in the glorified final. 

Meanwhile, Ellis house were on the end of a 3-0 romping at the hands of favourites Whittall, who steamrolled the Green Dragon with ease. “It was convincing” slurred a baffled Ellis assistant coach Max D, “although our diligent efforts were commendable”. Such a quote ought to highlight the day, however, this was only an emybro of what was to come. 

Ankles snapped. Cleats flew. Whistles blew. Esteemed senior boys soccer coach and future mayor Gord Horth looked on as David (Privett), sought to combat Goliath (Whittall) in the grand final to be contested on the lower field. 

It would not disappoint. 

Privett opted for a most conservative lineup, adopting the arguably unheard of 1-7-1 formation, one that featured a lone striker and seven defensive players. Miraculously, it paid bills. “I was filled with warmth all over. The process was more stimulating than Rob Ford’s departure from office” said Graydon C, Privett '15. Frustrated, Whittall upped the ante, wielding a battering ram of footballing expertise, aimed straight towards the Privett front door. They made little progress, and proceeded to onslaught the controversial back door, which to Martin K’s, Whittall '15 dismay also offered no breakthrough. Ben W, Whittall '15 was sure to be equipped with his goggles and speedo, another sly “backdoor” manoeuvre that had no match for the Privett fortress which had proven to be impenetrable.  

Once again, the fabled penalty would have to be the verdict. Robbie “Robson” S, Privett '15, and Toby CH, Privett '15 converted coolly, but due to a lack of firepower in their arsenal of Privett spot-kickers, Whittall slithered ahead to claim gold through wonder kid Sean M, Whitall '15. It was a victory worthy of recognition, and will go down in history as the time that Privett almost defeated Whittall. 

“It’s the way she goes boys. It’s just the way she goes” observed Brandon B, Privett '15. 

Robbie S, Privett ‘15

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